I attended a birthday party at JCT Kitchen over the weekend. I walked in with an attitude problem because I had been looking forward to eating at Ecco - mostly because I could pregame, MARTA up there, drink all I wanted, and MARTA back home. Also, Ecco is ranked number 46 on the Jizzabel 100 best Atlanta restaurants list*, whereas JCT Kitchen is nowhere to be found in the top 100. Unfortunately, someone is popular, so the party was too large for Ecco to handle.

the upstairs bar

Prior to eating, we met in the bar for a few drinks. I liked the bar better in its previous incarnation as the Onyx Bar. However, this version is better than the thankfully defunct Suzy Wong’s Lounge.

A key issue is the weak sauce beer list. The brews on offer are reasonable, however the list is far too short. Some North Coast Brewing India Pale Ale would improve it, for starters.

A sorry beer list could be mitigated by a decent cocktail selection and bartenders with solid mixing skills. Cocktails were not being shaken long enough to chill them properly, so I ordered from the truncated beer list. Additionally, the top shelf liquor and liqueur display lacked anything interesting or rare. Seriously, how fucking hard is it to hire some decent bartenders and stock a few obscure liqueurs? Come up with a signature drink, or clever twist on a classic, using the aforementioned difficult to find liqueurs and I would be impressed.

the dining room

In the interest of being fair and balanced like Fox News, I need to mention now that I fucking hate southern food. The only acceptable item I found on the menu was pork tenderloin served with bleu cheese scalloped potatoes.

One of the more irritating features of the menu was the bogus side selections. I was interested in the rainbow trout wrapped in bacon, because anything wrapped in pork is fucking awesome, but the side disgusted me. Seriously, what the fuck kind of side is vidalia onion puree, sweet corn, pickled shallots, spiced pecans and arugula? Am I supposed to eat that shit? Way to ruin a perfectly good dish, fucktards. A dope side would have been french fries and macaroni and cheese. Leave it to southerners to fuck up the inherent excellence of anything wrapped in bacon.

Fortunately, the pork tenderloin was off the chain. Otherwise, I would have had to cut some fools. The pork was incredibly tender - before I tasted it I thought someone fucked up because it flaked apart like fish. The bleu cheese scalloped potatoes were also delicious, although diced would be a more accurate term.

obligatory waitress review

While our waitress was a reasonably attractive brunette, the folks one table away got a much better deal. Their waitress was [1] blonde, and [2] had bigger knockers - with her shirt unbuttoned just enough to show some delicious cleavage.

waffling like a democratic presidential candidate

While I would never go back, JCT Kitchen is recommended for those who like [1] southern food, and [2] a Buckhead crowd. I enjoyed my entree, but it was the only thing on the menu that I was interested in, so there is no point in returning. Finally, the men’s bathroom inexplicably lacked urinals. If I wanted to piss in a toilet, I would stay home.

notes:

* Not that I give a fuck about what Jizzabel thinks, bunch of bourgeoisie bitches anyway.