While dining at the not so tasty Cafe Sampan, I picked up a flyer advertising complementary cocktails on opening night at Suzy Wong’s Lounge. Despite the offer of free booze, I was feeling too lazy to go. So I consulted the Magic 8 Ball. It responded with “reply hazy try again.” I followed the directions and got “most likely.” Hence this post, brought to you by the Magic 8 Ball.

I rolled up in my bitchin’ Cobalt and handed the keys to the valet. I walked upstairs to find that the new, and clearly retarded, owners had ruined what was once one of the best bars in Atlanta. Instead of a beautiful backlit onyx wall, there was nothing but a dumbass Asian inspired black and red wall that looked every bit as stupid as Dirk Diggler’s faux oriental bedroom in Boogie Nights. Unfortunately, the free booze promotion attracted a most irritating crowd - the bar was packed with obnoxious $30,000 millionaires. I was hoping to at least scope out some hotties, but all the women were pushing forty and obviously had more work done than Cher. Fucking awful. Seriously, this was so bad I left without getting a free drink.

I do not recommend Suzy Wong’s Lounge. Several other options, such as Halo and Bazaar, are far better.