Friday evening, inclement weather including freezing rain and snow was predicted. In Atlanta, weather predictions with the word snow cause the general populace to immediately head for the nearest grocery store and buy as much bread and milk as they can afford. For the last five years, I was extremely confused by this. Where I am from, Jamestown, we run to the store and buy as much beer as possible when a major storm is on the way.

Tonight, while trying to find some bread in a Kroger that resembled a circa 1985 Soviet Union grocery store, I came up with the following theory to explain this highly irrational stockpiling of bread and milk. Because Atlantans are unfamiliar with snow and modern inventions such as sand, they purchase milk to weigh down the back of their pickup trucks for better traction. Again, because they are unfamiliar with sand, slices of bread are stuffed underneath the tires for better traction, or eaten as snacks while the defroster melts the ice off the windshield, since no one owns an ice scraper.

In conclusion, I am probably going to get kidney stones, because Kroger only had whole milk in stock.