For the past few days, I have had the privilege of riding MARTA to work. Since the repair shop is taking fucking forever to fix my car, this will be the first in an indefinitely continuing series about the joys of public transit.

First, some background about Atlanta and MARTA for the benefit of Propeller Skies readers who are not fortunate enough to reside here. Because Atlanta is in the south, everything here operates according to Southern Peoples’ Time (SPT). This despite the fact that everyone here is from somewhere else. The first rule of SPT dictates that nothing ever, under any circumstances whatsoever, takes place at the scheduled time. The second rule of SPT is that the disparity between the scheduled time and the arrival time must vary, thus preventing even the appearance of adhering to a schedule.

According to the previously described rules of SPT, MARTA buses arrive at the stops pretty much randomly. In practical terms, this engenders long periods of waiting for buses to arrive.

Waiting in an of itself is not all that bad. What makes the waiting painful is the complete lack of anything resembling an amenity at the bus stops. Even the signs are as cheap as possible and display no useful information. As mentioned previously, Atlanta is IN THE SOUTH. Where it is HOT. Obviously, buses that run on time are too much to ask for. However, air-conditioning at the bus stops is not an unreasonable request.

Yesterday morning, as I was standing at the bus stop, roasting in the sun, sweating like a pig, and watching all the fortunate people in cars with transmissions that work drive by, one car stopped prior to the cross street for no apparent reason. It turns out that the dipshit driving had stopped to let a woman on the cross street pull out in front of him. This caused the passenger in the van behind the dipshit to yell out the window, “Don’t worry about the bitch, just go.” My thoughts exactly. If people spent less time worrying about bitches and more time just going, there would be no traffic problems in Atlanta.